


Moving Forward

by Skywinder



Series: Skyblaze Chronicles [2]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Minor Original Character(s), Past Character Death, Post-Transformers: The Movie (1986), Transformer Sparklings, War Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-13 02:47:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10504842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skywinder/pseuds/Skywinder
Summary: Following his Creation's birth, Starscream reflects on the past and his present circumstances.  But with the war once again in full swing, and his "death" proclaimed to the universe, he feels at a loss about what he should do.That is, until an old "friend" shows up to visit...This story is set about seven orns after the last chapter ofFrom the Ashes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it took long enough, but here is the next installment of the Skyblaze Chronicles. The delay was due to getting things dealt with in real life and my longest running story updated before I could even think of doing anything new. But here it is at long last. Do enjoy!

* * *

_“The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty: not knowing what comes next.”_ ― Ursula K. Le Guin, _The Left Hand of Darkness_

 _“Grief can destroy you --or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it." -_ Dean Koontz _, Odd Hours_

* * *

_Primus, he's beautiful._

Starscream gazed down at his recharging Creation as the thought ran through his mind for what seemed like the thousandth time in the seven orns since Skyblaze's birth.  A soft, sad smile appeared on his face.

 _You deserve so much better, little one_ , he thought sadly.  In the Windflare clan, the birth of a Sparkling was very much a family event, with everyone who could come parading through the room to meet the newborn Creation and pledging to protect the little one with their lives.  Starscream could still remember standing next to his Sire Stration as his two siblings Slipstream and Sunstorm had been greeted in such a manner.

But that was no longer possible, Starscream reflected bitterly.

His clan had been decimated by the attack on Vos, and the handful who remained (aside from he and his Co-Creations) had long since left Cybertron to seek safety among the stars.  Starscream had no idea if any of them still lived, and even if they did, he had no way of finding them to let them know about his Creation, not to mention the fact he still lived.  He knew they had to have heard by now he was "dead".  At the very least, he knew his siblings most likely had, judging from what the medic had told him a few orns following Skyblaze's birth...

* * *

_"So you're telling me that this mech called Galvatron has taken the leadership of the Decepticons," Starscream whispered._

_"That is what has been reported," Quickwing replied quietly as he finished doing the scans to see if the metal supplements were integrating with his patient's frame._

_"And announced to the universe at large that he killed me."  Starscream felt a shudder run through his frame as the memory  of the orn Skyfire died once more replayed in his processor.  He bit down hard on the keen that rose up in him.  There would be time to grieve later, once he was alone._

_"Yes," replied the other Seeker still quietly as he uploaded the results into Starscream's medfile._

_Starscream off-lined his optics at the answer.  "I see.  So I'm the one considered to be dead."  He chuckled a little bitterly.  "Ironic," he whispered, unable to keep that bitterness out of his voice._

_By all rights, he_ should _have died, and it was only thanks to Skyfire that he hadn't._

_And Skyblaze as well..._

_The thought of his Sparkling had him on-lining his optics again and turning his gaze towards the small med-berth next to his own, where his Creation lay contentedly in recharge, completely unaware of the fact that his Sire was dead and his Carrier was considered dead to the universe.  Not to mention the fact that Starscream would be killed if it were discovered he still lived.  Starscream shook his head wearily.  
_

I'm so sorry, Skyblaze...

* * *

Starscream released a heavy intake as he leaned back on the berth, raising his optics to the ceiling.  His siblings would very likely take back the news he was deactivated to the surviving members of Windflare should they survive the war.  That is, if they'd also survived Unicron's attack on Cybertron...

And that was something else that unnerved Starscream.   Even though he'd invoked the name often enough, the truth was he'd never really believed in Primus, much less Unicron, thinking them both myths.  To find out that the Chaos Bringer was in fact real and had tried to destroy his home was disturbing, to say the least.  He hadn't wanted to believe it, but Torchweld had shown him vid-memory images that Octane had obtained from a few of those who'd survived the attack. 

Seeing them had made his Spark grow cold, he would admit that much.  For if Unicron was real, then that meant that Primus might very well also exist.  He was going to be doing some thinking on that for a long while.  And likely apologizing to Sunstorm for some of those insults he'd issued about Primus should they ever meet again.

Which he hoped they would.  He didn't always get along with his Co-Creations, but he wouldn't have wanted them to die in such a way as he'd seen in those vid-memory images.

Then again, perhaps it would be more just punishment if they had.  After all, he'd allowed his Trinemates to be thrown out of Astrotrain, along with killing and betraying more beings than he cared to remember.

Starscream turned his gaze to the wall.  Whether he liked it or not, the cold reality was that even if Slipstream and Sunstorm _had_  managed to survive, he still wouldn't be able to see them again for a long time to come.  Torchweld had told him that much.  According to the medic, Octane had been told by Acid Storm to not let him be seen again by anyone until after "Galvatron" was dead.  And if that weren't enough, the Decepticons were now scattered or on Chaar.  Unicron's attack had apparently given the Autobots the opening they needed to get a foothold back on Cybertron, and with so many Decepticons missing or dead, it had been laughably easy to force the remainder off.  More so now that the Autobots had a new leader, though it seemed that he was considered too young and brash by some.  And then there were the reports of Galvatron's sanity...Neither Torchweld nor Quickwing were able to provide all the details, but it wasn't too hard to read between the lines of what they _had_ told him to understand the war had heated up again and the Decepticons weren't doing well.

 _Between a rock and a hard place, as the humans would say_ , Starscream thought with a bitter smirk.  He'd never much cared for human customs and phrases, but this one certainly seemed apt for his situation.  The mech called Galvatron had tried to kill him once, and Starscream had no problem believing there would be another attempt should he find out he'd only killed one of the two he'd gone gunning for.  And the Autobots would definitely want him turned over, likely to be executed after a quick trial.  Even if the new Prime was willing to allow some mercy for the sake of his Creation (and Starscream didn't have enough information about the mech to make him feel really confident about even that), there were too many Autobots who would want revenge for what he'd done.

He shuddered.  _Nowhere to go._ Yes, Torchweld and Quickwing had said he could claim asylum on Stalison, and while the idea did appeal to him, as it would give Skyblaze a chance to grow up in a safe environment, he knew it wouldn't work for long.  Even if they came up with a strong cover story, alias and recolors for him, it would only take one suspicious individual to blow that cover and it would all come crashing down with Skyblaze being completely orphaned in the end.

And he couldn't do that to his Creation, he thought, turning his gaze back to the recharging Sparkling.  Skyblaze was already instinctively aware of the fact there was a missing Creation bond...

* * *

_"He doesn't seem to want to be away from me for very long," Starscream said in response to Torchweld's question about how he and the Sparkling were doing.  "Whenever I try to set him back in his berth, he just starts clicking and chirping desperately and grips at my chest."_

_It had been two orns since Skyblaze had been born, and aside from recharge, he seemed very reluctant to be out of his Carrier's arms, fussing whenever Starscream tried to put him down so that he could get some rest himself.  Starscream had no experience with Sparklings, but from what he could remember of his siblings' Sparklinghoods, they hadn't quite been half as clingy as Skyblaze seemed to be._

_Torchweld sighed and shook his head.  "He's likely going to be like that for a while," he stated.  In response to Starscream's questioning look, he went on:  "I've had Carriers in here before who'd lost their partner or bondmate while Carrying.  When the Sparklings were born, they behaved very like what you just described.  It's never happened with those Sparklings who had both parents alive when they were born.  Skyblaze feels something is missing, even if he doesn't know what it is.  He'll be like that for a while until his Spark is satisfied that you won't be going anywhere."_

_"How long does this last?"  Starscream asked, once more feeling pangs of grief and guilt at the memory of Skyfire's death._

_"It can last for a good vorn or two," Torchweld replied.  "Never been more than three in my experience.  He'll always feel the missing Creation bond, but his Spark will at least have settled somewhat by that time."_

* * *

Starscream sighed as he reached down and rubbed his Sparkling's back, watching as the wing nubs twitched slightly under his hand.

He couldn't put his Sparkling's well-being at risk.  Not if Skyblaze was already experiencing the loss of his Sire without knowing it had happened.  It wouldn't be fair to his Creation if he did something to get himself killed.  He'd already been foolish enough to toy with the idea of killing himself, which even if understandable under the circumstances, was perhaps the most selfish thing he could have thought of doing.  Skyfire would have reamed him out for leaving their mechling alone in the world.  Especially considering his last words...

Skyfire had wanted the Sparkling.  Starscream believed that beyond a doubt after going through that memory more rationally over the past few orns.  Why else would Skyfire have pushed him out of the way like that and said what he did right before?  Whatever he may have felt about Starscream, the fact he'd protected both he and Skyblaze at the cost of his own life indicated he wouldn't have accepted their Creation's loss under any circumstances.  Starscream remembered being terrified out of his mind over the possible consequences of Carrying a defector's Sparkling; but looking back now, he could see how Skyfire had been so level-headed as he'd tried to calm Starscream down and how he'd acted so quickly and decisively after Galvatron showed up, even though he must have understood that death was coming for him.

Starscream shook his head again, his bitter smirk changing into a rueful smile.  It had taken him long enough to admit he'd wanted the Sparkling, but given he'd wanted to wait until after the birth to end his life, perhaps he'd already instinctively made the choice to keep him.  He'd just needed to see his mechling's face and hear the medics' words to accept the fact.

And then there was the matter of what Skyfire had thought of him.  He said for _both_ of them to "stay safe".  Starscream would never know what might have come of their new relationship or if he would have just walked away from the Decepticons if Skyfire had asked it of him.  Still, he wanted to believe he would have done so once Skyfire had calmed him down enough to think clearly.  Given what had passed between them in that brief half-orn prior to his learning he was with Spark, the Seeker couldn't help but suspect that Skyfire had indeed loved him, just as Starscream was beginning to acknowledge he harbored those feelings as well, and let him know the fact with his final words.

It changed nothing of what had happened, Starscream thought sadly, but it was enough that he would be able to find some comfort in that small speck of knowledge, given time.  It would have to be enough.

When Skyblaze got old enough to start asking questions about his Sire, Starscream would tell him Skyfire had loved and wanted him, going so far to give his life to make sure his Creation came into the world.  Starscream swore Skyblaze would never be left in doubt of this.

 _I'll make sure he knows all about you, Skyfire.  I promise he will._   A fierce, determined look came onto his face at the thought.  He wouldn't let Skyfire be forgotten.  Ever.  Not even by the Creation who he would never meet and would never meet him.

And whatever happened, he would do his best to be a good Creator to Skyblaze.  Skyfire had believed in him, had believed there was something good still remaining in him.  He couldn't let his partner down.  He would do whatever it took to become the mech he'd been before war had changed him into someone unrecognizable, even to himself.

It was never going to be easy, though.  Starscream was in no doubt of this.  But he was going to try.  He had no other option, not if he wanted to see Skyblaze grow up.

He was drawn from his thoughts by the sound of voices outside.

A moment later, the door opened and Quickwing stuck his head inside.  "You have a visitor.  Octane is here to see you."

Starscream was startled briefly, but then he remembered that Octane was one of those who'd also risked their personal safety for his sake.

 _And it seems he at least is still willing to do so,_ Starscream mused. 

Perhaps there really was a Primus after all.

"I'll see him," Starscream said firmly.

It was time to make some plans.

_I won't let you down, Skyblaze._

He leaned down and kissed his Creation's head.

_That's a promise._


	2. Chapter 2

"Heya, Torch!"

Torchweld, who'd been walking to his clinic, paused to turn his head at the sound of the familiar voice, smiling slightly when he saw who it was.

"Octane," he replied with a nod.

"How's it going, doc?" the Triplechanger said jovially as he drew up beside his old friend and began walking along with him.

"Well enough.  Life on the colony has been fairly quiet for the most part of late," Torchweld replied easily.  _::Here for Starscream?::_ he asked over comms as he sent a side-long glance at his old friend.

Octane nodded idly.  "Yeah, I've noticed how quiet it is when I visit.  Too quiet.  Kind of boring here sometimes if you ask me."  _::More like to see if he's able to talk again.  Last you told me, he was still out of it, and not likely to come around any time soon.::_

Torchweld looked up at his friend with a dry smile.  "I will take boring any orn over having to worry about getting my head blown off by an invading army, thank you very much."  _::He's come around.  About seven orns ago now::_ , the medic sent over comms as they reached the clinic.

Octane chuckled ruefully, as he recalled a few choice recent events.  "Gotta point there," he admitted.  _::Seriously?::_ he asked as they stepped inside the clinic.

"I thought you'd say that," Torchweld replied with a chuckle, as he shut and sealed the door behind them.  "And yes," he continued, now that they were no longer in public.  "He managed to pull himself out of it when the Sparkling was born."

Octane nodded.  Good news, to be sure, but given what he'd been hearing..."It got that close, huh?"

Quickwing, who'd been cleaning some of the tools as they walked in, spoke up now.  "For the last orn or two prior to the Sparkling's birth, we'd been starting to look into transports, not to mention getting paints together for the recolor, and keeping the comm. number to the sanitarium world of Daricum on-line, just in case he didn't pull out of his catatonia."

Octane shook his head.  "Slag," he muttered.  A little louder, he asked, "So what does he know?  I'm guessing you filled him in?"

Torchweld nodded.  "We have," he confirmed.  "He knows all that's going on and is fully aware of the situation he's facing right now."

"Has he been told what his options are?"

Torchweld nodded again.  "He's been given the option of either staying here with a repaint and an alias, along with a cover story.  We've had some refugees from other worlds, so it wouldn't look too odd if he decides to stay.  He's also been told you've offered shelter on your ship for he and his Creation Skyblaze should he feel the first option is too unsafe."

"Skyblaze, huh?  Heck of a big name for a scraplet."

"He called him for the Sire, who was a shuttle, by the way," Quickwing said with a smile.  "Starscream told me when I asked a little while later.  Said the Sparkling looked so much like his Sire, he should be called for him."

Octane nodded.  That made sense, he supposed.  And if it helped Starscream deal with what had happened, who was he to argue?

"Furthermore, we've given Starscream the alias of Astrum in the birth record we created here," Torchweld interjected, "though he refused to give an alias for the Sire's designation, insisting the true one of Skyfire be entered.  Since the mech is dead, we didn't feel there was any harm in that.  Neither faction has ever come here, and since Starscream has been declared dead, no one is likely to be tracking him or the other mech."

Octane pondered that for a couple kliks before shrugging.  It made sense on the surface, he couldn't argue that.  The Autobots certainly weren't looking, not since that vid-image showing the pile of ashes was released.  And given the situation with his own faction, the Decepticons definitely weren't going to be looking any time soon even if someone _did_ get suspicious about Starscream still being alive.  "Sounds all right to me," he replied.  "Can I see him?"

"I'll ask," Quickwing replied, getting up from his seat and heading for the back ward.

As he left, Torchweld turned back to Octane, a concerned look now on his face.  "If he does decide to go with you, will you be able to handle having permanent passengers while you run your trading business?  I know it was never something you would do before, and this is a dangerous situation to be in."

Octane grimaced.  "Don't have much of a choice, Doc.  It's either leave him here and risk discovery or take him with me and risk discovery.  At least if he's on my ship, we can get out of trouble quickly enough."

"Still risky, and with such a young Spark on board..."

"Yeah, I know, but what choice do we really got, Torch?"

Torchweld grimaced, but before he could reply, Quickwing returned to the room.  "He'll see you," the Seeker medic said quietly.

Octane nodded, then looked at his old friend.  "I'll let you know what his decision is, if he's made it yet," he said.  "Once we know, we'll make the plans on what to do from there."

The medic smiled slightly.  "If he does decide to go with you, be sure to come back from time to time, so I can see how Skyblaze is doing."

Octane grinned.  "Will do, Doc!"

Without another word, he turned and headed to the room where his former commander was resting.

_Here goes nothing._

* * *

Starscream was sitting up straight when Octane entered the room.  With a sharp nod, he greeted his former subordinate.  "Hello, Octane.  It has been a while."  His tone was cool and collected as he spoke.

The Triplechanger nodded, noting both the tone and Starscream's appearance as he went over to sit on a nearby berth.  He definitely looked and sounded a lot more stable than he'd been the last time Octane had seen the former Air Commander. "Yeah, it has, all right."

As he sat down, Octane did a second careful look-over, trying not to make it seem too obvious.  Yeah, Starscream seemed have pulled himself together, no doubt of that, but there was also a watchfulness there, too, he noticed.  Starscream's optics were flickering between him and the smaller berth next to where his commander was sitting.  And the expression in said optics suggested he'd be lunging for Octane's neck should the Triplechanger so much as _look_ at his Creation the wrong way.

Octane had heard more than a few stories of over-protective Creators in his time and had to admit it was kind of unnerving to see the proof of those stories aimed in his direction.  He shuddered and shifted slightly on the berth, deciding it would be a good idea right now to say why he was here.  "Torch told me he and Quickwing told you what was going on and what your options were."

To his relief, Starscream seemed to relax slightly.  "They did, yes," he replied with another sharp nod.  "Once they felt I could handle it, I was filled in on galactic events as far as they knew them."  He smiled unpleasantly.   "I must say I don't like the notion of playing dead, Octane.  I understand why," he went on, raising a hand as Octane was about to speak, "and I will do what I have to if it means protecting my Creation, but know here and now that it will _never_ sit well with me that I will have to go along with this charade."

Octane nodded. Seemed that Starscream had accepted the situation all right, even if he hated it.  Something at least, since it meant he wouldn't be looking to make himself a target.

He was, however, thrown by Starscream's next words.  "I was informed about how I came to be here, and how you found me.  But I wasn't informed as to how I and Skyfire were discovered by Galvatron."

Octane blinked.  "Look, Starscream...."  _Oh, frag._ He'd hoped Torch might have filled Starscream in on all the details, but he'd apparently missed this one.

Though given how he'd reintroduced himself at the start, Octane supposed he kind of deserved it if Torch had "forgotten" on purpose...

Starscream turned a very hard gaze on Octane now.  "Tell me, Octane.  I want to know how he learned where to find me.  I know from what I was told that Acid Storm figured out where I was going, but I highly doubt he would have given my whereabouts to just anyone, particularly to total strangers claiming leadership."

"Starscream...,"  Octane tried again.

" _Now_ , Octane."

Now _that_ was a command if Octane had ever heard one.  _Yep, he's back to normal, all right._   He shook his head and gave in.  "According to Acid Storm, Galvatron showed up with his goon squad, and in front of everyone made it clear he believed you'd claimed leadership of the Decepticons, going after Rumble when he said you hadn't done so, and called him a liar.  Soundwave stepped in at this point, and told Galvatron he'd seen you heading off and in which direction."

Starscream's optics glowed brightly.  Octane would have gulped if he could at the rage he saw there.  Quickly, he continued.

"Rumble didn't seem to like what Soundwave did, if that helps.  He didn't react well when Galvatron announced what he did.  Hook was kind of slagged off, too, Astro told me.  I didn't see their reactions myself since I was taking you to my ship around the time of the announcement of your 'death'.  Both of them disappeared during the battle with Unicron.  Don't know if they're alive or not.  As for Soundwave, he was badly damaged, and last I heard, was in a stasis pod on Charr.  Galvatron doesn't seem in a hurry to repair him, from what I've heard."

The coldest smile Octane had ever seen spread across the Seeker's face.   " _Good_ ," Starscream hissed.  "May he rot in there."

Octane shuddered.  The Doc had told him that Starscream and the mech he knew now was called Skyfire weren't bonded, and he believed it, but Starscream's reaction suggested there'd been a pretty strong connection there, regardless.  He wondered how deep it had been, though given how much his commander kept to himself, Octane doubted he'd ever really know.

As he'd been pondering this, Starscream's features had evened out again.  "What did they do with Skyfire's ashes?"  His tone was mostly flat, though Octane thought he could hear hints of emotion there.

 _Still can't show weakness to anyone, can you commander?_ Octane thought wearily.  But on some level, the Triplechanger understood why.  Aside from his kid, pride was probably all Starscream had left to him.  And if Octane was honest, he probably wouldn't want anyone to see him grieving either, if he'd been in the same position.  Aloud, he said:  "You know you won't be able to visit even if I tell you, Starscream."

The Seeker shook his head.  "It doesn't matter.  His Creation should be able to know where to pay his respects when he asks about it one orn.  _Tell_ me, Octane.  _Where are Skyfire's ashes?!_ "

Octane couldn't argue with either the words or the tone.  He gave in.  "They're buried in the Crypt inside an unfinished marker.  Galvatron wouldn't allow the monument to be completed.  Wouldn't even allow your designation to be engraved on the pedestal."  Which was probably just as well, he thought, considering they weren't Starscream's remains anyway.  Still, he couldn't imagine Dirge had been happy about leaving any rites uncompleted, no matter whose they were.

Starscream nodded.  "Thank you," he replied, his voice soft for the first time since he'd begun the interview with his subordinate.

A moment later, though, he was all business.  "I've thought over the options that Torchweld gave me.  While I did consider the notion of staying here on this world and raising my Creation Skyblaze here, I decided it would be too dangerous in the end.  Too much risk for discovery should someone become suspicious of whatever cover story was concocted.  Skyblaze already feels his Sire's absence without realizing it.  I won't do anything to risk breaking the remaining Creation bond."

He looked down at the Sparkling.  "Skyfire put himself between Galvatron's blast and the two of us, Octane.  He pushed me into that chasm knowing he was about to die, just so our Creation could live."  He looked back at Octane with hard optics.  "I won't allow that to be thrown away," he said firmly.

Octane just sat in stunned silence for a moment at Starscream's words.  That explained what he and the others had wondered about, why Starscream was in the chasm while another mech's ashes sat on the edge.  He'd be telling Acid and Astro when he saw them again, that was for sure.  _Damn brave thing to do_ , he thought.

And it seemed Starscream thought that as well, judging from his tone.

Octane smiled slightly.  Seems like his former commander had definitely changed if he was willing to look out for someone else, and as Octane thought, was willing to be reasonable.

He nodded now.  "Sure thing.  I had your stuff aboard my ship, what Ion and Nova could gather without suspicion, anyway, and it's in one of my few passenger rooms.  Didn't unpack it, not knowing what you would be doing after the kid was born.  But if you're going to be staying there, it'll give you something to do besides caring for a Sparkling.  When Skyblaze gets older, we can set up a room for him."  And when the kid got old enough he wouldn't need quite so much attention, Octane could ask for Starscream's help with the accounting side of his business.  Something to consider, anyway.

Starscream was the one to nod this time.  "I'll need supplies for Skyblaze, so those would have to be obtained."

"I can get those.  Will probably take a couple of orns to get things organized, though," Octane replied.  And knowing Torch, he'd probably already gotten a few things put aside for the kid, just in case Starscream had decided to go this course of action.  If so, it would be a big help.

"Fair enough," Starscream said briskly.  "I'll see you when everything's been arranged."

Now _that_ was a dismissal if Octane had ever heard one.  He gave an amused snort and pulled himself up.  "Yeah, I'll see you later.  Try not to annoy Torch too much while I'm gone, would ya?  I'd kind of like to come back and visit again sometime."

Starscream smirked and waved a hand, dropping his commander mode completely now that everything had been settled.  "I'll behave.  Go."

With an amused chuckle, Octane turned and headed out of the room.

 _Well, that went better than I expected_ , he thought, a wide grin appearing on his face.

_Guess it's time to get this show on the road._

* * *

After Octane left, the smirk faded from Starscream's face and his gaze drifted down to his Sparkling.

He'd made the right choice.  He knew he had, but still...

Skyblaze deserved to grow up around other Sparklings, laughing and playing...Not living in isolation...

But there was really no other choice.  Not for a long time to come.

He reached down, lifted up the recharging Skyblaze and held him close.

_It's going to be all right, Skyblaze.  
_

_One way or another..._

_I promise it will.  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next one up is probably going to be a far in the future one, though very likely not until later in the summer, due to me wanting to get work done on my two main projects, plus a challenge. See you in August sometime!


End file.
